Rob’s MRI is today at 2:30. I know I am anxious AF. I realized with this illness, it doesn’t seem to matter how positive you stay and what good intentions and energy you put out there. It seems to do whatever TF it wants. I’m not entirely sure how to take this whole thing still. Just like last week. Everything is going good and all of a sudden he just has a seizure like BOOM. Just like
“OK OK WTF JUST HAPPENED.” Just stops you in your tracks. It makes me really angry. It shakes up my world. It makes me angry because I don’t understand. Why us, not them? Why now? There will be a million unanswered questions and I have to be okay with that. I’m not letting it take over my life, it’s just one part of it that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Be lucky it’s not you. I know that sounds bitter. It is. Just be grateful for what you have and what you have to come.
I am angry about it. YUP. I know that anger doesn’t serve me unless I can utilize that energy in a positive manner.
ANYHOW. THE MRI IS AT 2:30 Today. We will not have results until next week with his dr. appointment follow up with his N/O. There’s really a lot going on. We never really had a clearer version of how our lives are going to be or how we want it until now. Which seems really ridiculous and confusing in a way because now more than ever, everything is so unpredictable. Maybe that’s the point. I don’t know. I know I’m just tired. I am motivated. I am strong. I will get through this. I will prosper. I will get by.
BUT I ALSO JUST WANT TO SCREAM INTO THE OUTSIDE OPEN AIR IN FRONT OF A LAKE OR AT THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN AND JUST LET IT ALL OUT REALLY OUT. Yoga is a good release. I should do that next. Good ‘ole prenatal yoga EARL-LIE IN THE MORNING!!!